SELF ACTUALIZATION

Self-actualization means emotional transformation. An individual transforms from fear to happiness, from shyness to assertiveness, from narrow-mindedness to open-mindedness, from comfort to courage. This assumes the clarity of perspective that allows you to see clearly what lies ahead or what lies outside the seeming limitations that scare you. (Thanks Dr. Dups)

There was nothing more painful and humiliating than the thought that I refused to learn once in my life. I refused because I wanted to show to people that I was perfect in my own ways and that I insisted my ways to them. I never took the courage to open myself to possibilities of positive change instead I embraced the status quo - the state where I felt so comfortable and convenient. It was only when I felt so uncomfortable inside the shell that cocooned me after all those years that I decided to go out, to break my ego, and to bruise my persona. It was only then I realized I had grown a thousand folds.

Indeed, a hermit crab cannot grow bigger unless he finds a bigger shell to shelter him. 

Progress is a painful process one has to go through. Progress is never attained through scholastic education alone but through self-assessment, scrutinizing oneself to every single bit of character which defines you as a person. It is indeed an excruciating course for one to take. It takes ones to be humble, not with the slight of being defensive. Remember that too much humility is pride. Try to locate that central source of pride in you. Being humble doesn’t mean being nice. Being too humble means being too proud of yourself. For one to grow, he or she should be ready to accept compliments and criticisms with grace and with the intention of reflecting through them. You being in my class means you are my subjects of scrutiny and so am I under yours. However, never have had I any intention of belittling someone who has not gone at par with my standards. I stand in front of your class everyday not because I want to show you I am over and above you- that I am a better person than you are, but because I have something to share that you need to learn.

Isn’t it unfair when I come to the class with all my heart and commitment while you sit half-hearted? It takes two to tango. However, I have never failed to remind myself to appreciate every bit of effort we put into this endeavor. But isn’t it more humiliating and offending when your appreciation is rejected? But I can’t take it against anyone else nor put the blame to anyone. After all, I did not come to be desirable.

Furthermore, learning means accepting the truth no matter what. Hence, learning requires one to be confident. I want you to take note of this: Incompetent people complain when things go wrong and wallow in their failure but competent people quickly find ways to make amends so not to make the same mistake again. Incompetent people self-destruct when confronted with reality but competent people build themselves into someone stronger. As a coach, I cannot sugarcoat things when they are unpleasant. I cannot make one feel good by not speaking my truth. I speak my truth because I cannot afford flattery. I speak my truth because I cannot stomach giving false hopes. My source of pride is my honesty. It is my resolve that only when we start to be truly honest that we free ourselves from the bondage of hypocrisy that impedes us from finding the truth about ourselves.  It is only when meaningful learning happens.

Finally, I cannot apologize for speaking my truth in the class because if I do it means I am sorry for being true. Not anyone can make me feel bad at myself just because I want to speak my truth about what has gone wrong-that what has deviated must be corrected. 

I am truly grateful you share with me your smiles, complaints, and tantrums.

NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.

RH BILL

http://ph.news.yahoo.com/manilas-aquino-clashes-bishops-contraception-bill-125950385.html

RH BILL

by: Ariem Cinco

Whether or not RH Bill is passed into law, there will always be a tug-of-war between the pros and the antis and this issue will never die. Nonetheless, I am for RH Bill. It is my resolve to support the passage of the bill into law because of the following reasons:

1.     RH Bill does not condone nor promote promiscuity as claimed by all anti-RH.  Does it mean that if a person has condom in his or her wallet, it is tantamount to saying that the person is sexually active the very least or promiscuous at worst? I know some people who carry condoms distribute condoms but are not promiscuous. What does this imply; it’s neither the distribution of condoms nor the RH BILL that dictates a person’s will rather his own character, principles and conviction. From my careful observation, the claim of the anti-RH about promiscuity is an uninformed judgment of the scenario.  Why? They are only talking about their false expectations appearing real (FEAR). I fear not that our country will become a sanctuary of licentious people because I am confident that Filipinos have imbibed in them unwavering morality.

2.   RH Bill does not equate to abortion. Scientifically, abortion means any of various methods of terminating pregnancy or conception. With the emphasis on the termination, this means that abortion only happens after fertilization period. The use of contraceptive, condom - the most controversial among them, prevents fertilization to occur. Termination of pregnancy and prevention of pregnancy are two different phrases with different meanings.  

3.     RH Bill aims to educate individuals about informed options related to their reproductive well-being especially among women. The bill, as far as my understanding is concerned, is intended to promote the welfare of women and children. How aware are the anti-RH bill about the mortality rate among women and children, especially during birthing? While it is the state’s obligation to oversee and govern the affairs of the nation, it is the church responsibility to educate its followers about proper values so they become morally upright individuals. Where do we draw the line between political leadership and religious leadership, especially now that the church apparently and directly intervenes the affairs of the state?

4.     RH Bill is not created to mandate people to defy the moral standards of our society. I believe with conviction that the moral of a person, if and only if is strengthened through proper education, will neither be eroded nor will be corrupted by any of these laws.  Honestly, I am a Roman Catholic, I don’t hear the mass often but I can confidently say that I have set myself an acceptable moral standards compared to those who hypocritically attend church services yet they have rotten morals. There are atheists I know who show more concern and compassion to their neighbors and fellows than some of those I know who diligently serve the church.

5.      RH Bill is viewed as sure-fire measure to at least deter the rapidly surging population if not to totally solve all other problems of the country. While others claim that overpopulation is not a problem as seen in other countries like in China and India, I would like to remind everyone that such is never true in all cases. In the Philippine context, overpopulation is a threatening dilemma. It affects our society badly such that it causes crime rate to increase, prostitution, drug trafficking, human trafficking, hunger, and other societal banes continuously pervade. Are we not aware that there are a lot of homeless families and street children wandering around the metropolis? Or are we blindfolded for us not to discern this stark reality? Or do we really understand the true plight of the poor? Or maybe we just don’t care at all? How does this relate to the problem of overpopulation?

Despite my claim, I am no narrow-minded not to consider the counter-arguments.

1.    RH Bill can be a source of corruption. With or without RH Bill, there has already been corruption.               What does this imply? This only means that we Filipinos have not learned our lessons by           choosing our leaders shrewdly, by sharply discriminating the righteous and capacitated leaders             from those pseudo-leaders. This fear of corruption roots not from the bill but from ourselves.                 Why do I say so? I make this claim because if we really are that serious of eradicating corruption,   we should be vigilant as vanguards of all the affairs of the state and with how our government is         run by our political leaders. Do not contribute to the problem instead be a solution to the       problem.

2.    RH Bill will not solve the problems of the country. Definitely it won’t. Because the RH Bill is           designed to address specific problem - this is overpopulation and in turn results in more societal               problems. We cannot have a single solution tailored-fit to solve all existing quandary beset in our country.

Challenge to the ANTI-RH BILL, especially to the CHURCH.

1.       What do you propose to mitigate the problems which confront our country today? To the church, other than opposing to the passage of the RH Bill, what are your proposed measures to address problems of poverty, hunger, lack of education, high crime rate and overpopulation?

Just my two cents. Thank you. 

The Power to Succeed

by: Ariem Venezuela Cinco

Commencement Speech

This is dedicated to my family, my friends, my classmates, and my mentors.

March 29.2010

Distinguished guests, proud parents, friends, members of the faculty, academicians, honor students, the members of the graduating class.

Good morning. How is everyone? That’s good to hear. Do you know how I feel now? How I feel now is a bit ironic in my world. I always tell my students back in Manila not to be nervous when they deliver their presentation, but here I come…geez, nervous. Are you nervous too? I don’t think so. You’re bored. I know how it feels listening to boring speeches, so I promise not to make this speech long, just at least half of the 150-page book I am writing. Or maybe just as long as the repeaters have stayed in high school. Aside from boredom, I know you feel so excited to get your awards, medals, your lunch and party. But hey,listen up, you won’t graduate until I finish my speech.

When I was invited to speak in this occasion, I immediately said yes. Why me of all people? I did not finish school with honors. I am not rich. I am not famous. I am a failure. My life is no way exceptional and extraordinary except that my life brought me lessons which come with brilliance of pride and dignity. But why am I here? I am here because of YOU.

I believe that my presence today is more than just to deliver a speech. I am here with the fervent hope that I would somehow move you and influence you in the best way possibly I can. However, I am not here to insist on a definite course of action that which you shall take in the future. I am here to tell you NOT to be like me but to tell YOU to strive to be your own person and become better than anyone else without the reservation to grandstand others. I am glad to be here with you to share meaningful lessons in life I have learned and the driving forces that have shaped me who I am today and have brought me to where I am this very moment.

When I was in grade school, everything was nothing but a dream. As a child, I was a dreamer and hoped that one day my dreams would be translated into meaningful realities. My dreams were to get a college degree, to become a public speaker, and to fly on an airplane, and most importantly, to fulfill the real essence of a longer existence for me to touch other people’s lives. These dreams seemed too simple and ordinary to some but it didn’t matter to me at all. After all, it’s not how big or small your dreams are but it’s how you see your dreams come true in the future. Actually, my father wanted me to become a lawyer, my mother wanted me to become a broadcast journalist, my sisters wanted me to become a nurse, and ironically my brothers wanted me to become a beautician ( I am kidding). Yet, I had my own dream for myself – I wanted to become a doctor. The truth is not everything we want in life happen the way we want them to happen. In short, I did not finish medicine but still I obtained a degree somewhat related to the field of science and medicine. Since I wanted to become a doctor, I have now an MDPhd degree (Mukhang doctor, pero hindi doctor). On a serious note, I finished Bachelor in Secondary Education Major in Biology and Minor in Mathematics. It is your faith in your dreams that will bring you to your rightful place in time. All these dreams have come true. What I am trying to point out to you young graduates and parents is that it is important that you have the desire to achieve something, the aspirations that would motivate you to take life-changing plans and actions to make things happen for the better. Remember that life without a plan is like a withered leaf, it flies just anywhere the wind blows it, and it lacks direction. However, life with a plan is like a river, it goes through its course and flows out to sea. To you graduates, do not be afraid to dream for dreaming is the only thing we could do for free. Do not be afraid to dream big dreams. The famous cliché goes: Dream, Believe, and Survive. Because when you dream, you would achieve something. This is the first power – the power of the dream.

However, it doesn’t end in dreaming alone. The best way to accomplish your dreams is to keep yourselves awake. It is very important that you choose to take the necessary actions towards the realization of your dreams. Let’s look at some practical circumstances for you to understand my point. All that you are today is a product of your choices and what you will be in the future is determined by the choices you make today. Now make a choice! Who among you here choose to be rich like Manny Pacquaio? Then aspire to be a boxer! On a serious note, he chooses to fight because it is his way for him to give his family a very good life. If only he had the courage to take the chances to finish school, he wouldn't have resorted to engage in a deadly sport. However, it doesn’t matter who he was before. What matter are his choices and the kind of life he has today. I know how hard it is to make choices especially when it seems there is nothing to pick at all. To further simplify my point, none of our teachers would have become teachers without them attending school. You won’t be here today to receive your diploma, if you did not study to pass all your subjects. None of you would be repeaters if only you took your studies seriously. But there is one thing I know that happened in my life without me doing something. Do you want to know what it is? When I was born cute. Kidding again.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. There is no short-cut to the pinnacle of success. The best of luck and opportunities come to those who work for these opportunities to come knocking their doors. Opportunities are all around us, ready to be made. I want to tell you that I have had the share of great and wonderful opportunities, in fact, I have been invited (I did not apply) to go to Seoul, Korea, Beijing and Shanghai, China to teach English and the latest is in Amsterdam, Netherlands to be a Youth Program Coordinator. These opportunities have come along not because I am lucky but because I worked hard to be recognized by the international community. However, I did not choose to leave to enrich myself, instead I chose to stay to serve my fellowmen, to help them realize their ambitions. Had I chosen to leave, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to help many Filipinos who also dream of getting bigger opportunities for greener pasture abroad. If you think I have lost opportunities, yes, I have…the opportunity to make myself rich, but thinking how many lives have I helped transform, makes me feel richer even in the absence of financial reward. I am not rich because of my action. I am not rich because of my choice. And you can be rich if you choose to be. This is the power of choice and action.

Do I consider myself successful? Yes, I do. Success is not measured by how much wealth you have amassed. Success is measured by how much of you, you have shared with others. Success is very much relative and it depends on who defines it. But what I am sure of, the more successful you are, the more relatives you have. Anyway, success is actually 99% failure. Look at Manny Pacquaio, Lito Lapid, Erap Estrada, to name a few. They are all famous and successful (maybe). I am not saying that you would waste your time in school trying to finish your studies but look at them, they are huge celebrities. But that’s not the point. I want to tell you that they are successful because they failed. Having not finished school is a failure to them. Yet, they learned lessons from failure....

Life is not a checklist of achievements and acquaintances but a long line of failure and tribulation. Life is difficult and complicated where failure is certainly inevitable. If you want to live a life without failure, you need to be extra cautious, and in the end you will realize you have not lived at all. In all actions we take always expect that mistakes would happen and failure would come along. If you think you failed your math, just think your math teacher forgot to use a calculator in computing your grade. If you failed your English, remember that English teachers are not made to compute grades and they asked for the help of the math teacher who forgot to use a calculator. Remember it is important that we experience failure for us to remain humble and grounded. Failure is nothing but a temporary setback that if taken positively would actually help us see bigger opportunities to change ourselves for the better. It is not the failure that matters, but the courage and strength to stand up after the fall. I would want to see all of you finish your studies but the fact is not all of you would actually finish school. I am not saying that you lose hope. Some of you are your parents and teachers greatest achievement and some of you are the greatest failure and disappointment. I myself is a disappointment to my parents – I have failed them as a son, and now I am here again disappointing them because I am not staying longer than they wish me to be around. But life goes on for me. Failure is one of the reasons why I keep moving on. Mistakes are my guiding light to make my life and other lives better. Remember to learn from mistakes. Learn from the lessons of experience. This is the power of failure.

Failure is a staggering challenge. Also, poverty would be viewed as an impediment to the realization of your dreams. I would agree with you that it is hard to finish school if you do not have the resources to do so. I am not stranger to this situation. I was poor when I was still a student. (I am still poor though) I also thought of quitting school. I finished my college as a recipient of the University Scholarship for Student Leaders. I struggled hard everyday of my life. I was born poor and perhaps will always be. I finished my studies despite hunger, lack of financial resources, poor health, and the like. I could remember the days when I had to pretend studying my lessons in the library at lunch because I couldn’t go with my friends and have lunch together. I could still remember the dark nights I survived every night I would walk back home from school. I could still remember attempts of my professors to drop me from their classes. I could still recall when classmates mock at me with my old uniforms. I could still remember when my parents had to wake up very early in the morning to start the day toiling in the farm so I could have money for fare. I know how humiliating it was to be knocking at someone’s door at the wee hour in the morning just to borrow money for my allowance that I felt sorry for my parents. I could feel the tired breath of my parents every time they go to bed after a long hard day after work. All these I could remember were due to poverty. But I only thought that time that no amount poverty could make me give up my dreams. I wanted to be the change my family and I wanted to be. I am here because I believed that one day; it is today, that I am going to make it here. What makes successful and unsuccessful people different? What makes the rich and the poor different? It’s a difference in mind-set and attitude. We poor people cry when the sun does not come out just to realize that at the end of the day we miss the chance to see the beautiful stars at night. Be positive and you will go far in life. Think positive and never give up. This is the Power of Optimism and Positive Attitude.

Everything about me isn’t mine at all. I am greatly indebted to my family, teachers, friends, and relatives, and even to those who I barely know. I finished my studies with the immense support of my parents who actually have toiled to their blood and sweat just for them to make both ends meet. To my parents, thank you so much for bringing me to this world and for tirelessly supporting me in all my undertakings. And to my teachers who have always inspired me to strive harder. Special mention goes my best friend Eric Yulo, for inspiring me to strive harder for my family and for being there in both flips of time. To my friends, Jason, Marilou, and Macky, thank you for not changing a bit and for making me feel you are always there.To my neighbors and relatives who unselfishly shared their resources in times of need. I am your contribution to the world. I am not here for myself; I am here for all of you. I am now who I am today because you have stood with me along the way.

To the graduates, thank you for giving me a chance to share this time with you. I encourage everyone to go to school, get a degree, and make your parents and teachers proud of you in the future. Do this not because you are told but because you aspire to achieve something and everything will fall into place. Young graduates, be the best that you can be. My dear parents don’t give up. Continue to inspire your children to be better individuals that they should be. They are your contribution to this world. Remember that if I made it here, you can even go farther than where I have been.

Before I end, let me share to you my most favorite quotation: Life’s destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice. And the great height of success could only be reached if you make the right choices and if you believe in the power of your dreams, your actions, your failures, and your positive attitude.

Thank you and Congratulations.

What it takes to PASS the Speaking Test: The Ariem Cinco's Dimensions to an Excellent TOEFL-iBT Performance

I suppose you are one among the preponderance of Filipinos migrating to the U.S.A. for whatever purpose it may serve you (don't forget that my shoe size is 7). Despite umpteen of reasons of going to the U.S. of A., this dream will just remain a dream unless you pass TOEFL-iBT.

What is TOEFL-iBT in the first place? It means Test of English as a Foreign Language (Internet-Based Test). This is a test of your communicative competence in English. For most Filipinos, I believe English has never been foreign since it is used as a medium of instruction in classrooms and is actually used as a medium of communication in almost every setting. Yet, the BIG question is that why some test-takers (the Filipino professionals like the Occupational Therapists and Physical Therapists) don’t make it the first shot? Is the test really that difficult? Why do they fail? What would help them PASS?

As an English Trainer for quite sometime now, allow me to share my experiences, my ideas, and my expertise to provide you with some of the needed answers to the questions beforehand.

TOEFL-iBT is challenging but not overwhelmingly difficult. I know that some of you would disagree with me. Again, tests are purposely made challenging otherwise it will be called a quiz. Now, if you think it’s hard, ask yourself what you can possibly do to make this test easy. What have you done so far for you to pass the test? Or, you may have already exerted all the best effort you think you could but to no avail – YOU STILL FAIL. It only means that your best wasn’t good enough (now you’re singing…).  I can not emphasize anymore that you have what it takes to pass the TOEFL. Go and check it yourself. Here are the six dimensions to an excellent performance in TOEFL-iBT.

First is your PROPER MINDSET. What does your mind tell you? Are you going to fail or are you going to pass? Now, if you keep on thinking that you will fail the test because you are more convinced that your English is not good enough then I suggest that you stop and better think of not taking the TOEFL (and forget about your dream of going to the States). However, if you think you are ready to pass, start bracing your thought that you’re going to make it this time around. Make it sure that everything starts right. You should invite positive energies so you wouldn’t be engorged by the negative thoughts. Stop telling yourself that you will fail because you will most likely. If your mind is set to PASSING the test, believe me, nothing will come so overwhelming and difficult. You do not have to pressure yourself. Go with the flow and do your part. It’s your PERSPECTIVE about the test that matters. If you think it’s difficult then it would be difficult. If you think it’s easy, then it would be easy for you. That simple. Do you want it EASY? Just think it is.

Second is your desirable ATTITUDE. No one wants to fail. Yet, not everyone has the right attitude to free themselves from failure. Positive attitude is very important in every endeavor we undertake. Without it, expect FAILURE. Your discipline comes with the attitude. Remember too that your commitment is badly needed. If it is time to study, make it sure that you study. If it is time to listen to the lecture, do not tinker your phones, or anything that would distract you. If you are really determined to pass, you wouldn’t come in late to the class and you wouldn’t take it second to something. If you think you are just weighed down by the FEAR (means False Expectations Appearing Real, thanks to Dr. Dups) that you have created for yourself, never attempt taking the test. Take TOEFL seriously and it will pay off. But never take it too seriously that it would deprive you of your time to enjoy. Have fun while learning.

Third is your motivation. I believe there is a very good reason why you want to pass TOEFL-iBT. This drive alone should be more than an extrinsic motivation for you to take the necessary action to fulfill your goal. If you do this because you were told to do so, forget it. You should pass the test not because you want to please others but because you want to fulfill your dream. Keep yourself on track with the driving force you have within. Your drive to PASS the test must be your guide along the way. Remember, you need more intrinsic motivation than extrinsic motivation. Without the drive, I am sorry…YOU WON’T MAKE IT.

Fourth is your CONFIDENCE not ARROGANCE. I know that TOEFL is not a test of CONFIDENCE but if you don't have it, you won’t make it. Yet, remember that having too much confidence is just the same as having zilch. It is high time to start believing in yourself. It is good enough that you recognize the fact that you have both your weaknesses and the strengths. For me, it is just proper to admit your weakness but wallowing in it is nothing but destructive. If you think you're not that good enough, be humble enough to seek help. Don't be embarrassed to ask for guidance. Those who are proud and arrogant are the ones who most likely fail in the test. Believe me; I have encountered a lot of them. Believe in what you think you are capable of doing. Trust yourself. Trust your trainer. Trust GOD. I am sure you can do it.

Fifth is CONSTANT CORRECT PRACTICE. I am aware that most test-takers are pressured by this mind-boggling test. For you to pass the test, you don’t need to memorize everything. So, why the need to amass all the TOEFL books in the bookstore and collect all the CDs that your hands could get hold of? Familiarize yourself with the nature and content of the test. Learn specific strategies on how you are going to deal with each task. The result of the test is not guaranteed by the length of time you pore over your books and listening to all the CDs you have. The question is do you constantly do correct practice? If not, I am sorry you are wasting your time, your effort, your money. Sadly, you are depriving yourself of the chances to pass the TOEFL. Again, learn specific strategies useful in addressing questions in the test. Practice if those strategies work which I am sure they do. I have tried them. If you wish to know more of them, come and see me.

Finally is your LANGUAGE SKILL and communicative competence. Take note that for you to pass TOEFL you don’t need to have a perfect command of the English Language. Do not pressure yourself trying to perfect your English. Master the basics of it. Strengthen your foundation. TOEFL doesn’t test how complicated your English is, rather how you use your English in your communication. If you can construct a sentence both in written and spoken English, then you have actually the basic requirement for you to pass the test. Just make it sure that you can speak with clarity and logic. If you think your English is not enough, don't worry because this guidebook will help you develop the skill in answering the questions. However, this module will not discuss grammar in details.

Reminiscing the Painful Experience: Rubbing Salt into the Wound

Anyone can make mistakes and fail. However, only idiots persist in their error and dwell in their failure. This statement truly makes a lot of sense to me. In my years of training professionals for TOEFL-iBT, most of the trainees I have handled are re-takers. I mean they have already taken the test and failed several times. Indeed, this must be a depressing reality which I suppose you’re not exempted from.

         

Are you one of them? Don't be embarrassed to admit it unless you’re too proud of yourself despite your failure. Do you think your English skills are good enough but you still FAIL the Speaking Test? That must be a big problem. YOU NEED HELP. Again, you need help. You need to find the reasons why you fail. Do not make lame excuses and alibis. Do not find scapegoats. Be responsible. Be humble. Focus and relax.

I have more questions to ask you. For how long have you been hopping from one review center to another around the metropolis for your TOEFL review? The fact is you have not just attended one review center but two almost until infinity (this I believe is a bit exaggerated), haven’t you? Let’s say not just once but twice and worst is that you have already been attending UNLIMITED reviews. How many of those recommended books and study guidebooks for TOEFL-iBT do you own? How many CD’s of TOEFL-iBT Practice Test have you burned? Pirated or original? This of course does not matter. I just want you to smile. I can see you frowning again.

What has this effort brought you? Wait. Stop. Breathe.  You have done all these but you still FAILED? I am now being sarcastic and arrogant.  If this makes you feel bad then I think you're ready to FAIL again. However, if you accept this with an open arm and heart (not the one which is done in an open heart surgical procedure), then I can say you are ready to embark on a new journey to passing the TOEFL-iBT Speaking Test.  As they say, third time is a charm.

Now, relax and contemplate. If you think I am not making sense, you can leave this module in one corner and go back to your old practice and FAIL. But if you feel this will help you, start reading and practicing soon. Enjoy breaking old habits. Have fun unlearning misconceptions. Have a great time relearning basic skills. Finally, PASS the TOEFL-iBT Speaking Test.

By the way, this module is designed not to offer MIRACLE but workable strategies that you could use to pass the TOEFL-iBT Speaking. Now, I only have this to say: Learn the lessons of experience.